i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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