: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
