i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
