he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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