You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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