I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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