So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
