Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
