I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
