Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
