Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
