hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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