I am midnight drunk by noon
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
