she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
