Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
