found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
