Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
