he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
