I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
