there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
