All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
