I smell stomach acid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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