I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
