Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
