Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
