i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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