her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sarcasm needs its own font
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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