i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
