My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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