I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
