I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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