He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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