we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
