I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
