i don't like sucking hair
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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