Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
