i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
