3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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