...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
