Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
