tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
