it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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