forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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