Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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