Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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