I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
