Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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