I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
what day is it and did you see me today?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I deserve this hangover.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
