just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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