I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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