and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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